I've been thinking about trust lately and have had a few conversations on the topic. It seems to be a theme in my life right now, again. I learned some time ago that trust, like most things, starts within oneself. It is very easy to learn not to trust yourself. Every time you make a promise to yourself and you don't follow through you are losing trust in yourself. If you make a decision to work out beginning on "x" day and "x" day comes and you don't follow through your trust in your self and your confidence deteriorates. When you make a commitment to yourself to stop smoking and you don't do it or you restart, your losing trust in yourself.
On a bigger scale and where trust becomes a more serious issue is in personal relationships. When we cheat on a partner we become all too aware of how easy it is to deceive people and we think "If I'm doing it then everyone else must be doing it too!" I was watching a television show today, can't recall what it was but there was a man who had been repeatedly beating up his wife and daughter in fits of rage. His reasoning was that he was told by other people that she was doing drugs and cheating on him. She was a very pretty girl and just from looking at her you could tell this probably wasn't true. He had asked her many times and she always denied it. He was convinced that everyone was right and his wife was lying to him. Why? Well, lie detectors were given to both people. She was asked about potential drug use and having affairs to which all she replied "no". The test results were conclusive that she was NOT lying. Then it was the husband's turn, he was asked about having sex with any other women besides his wife since they have been together and asked about repeated sexual encounters to which he replied "no". Test results? He was lying.
This isn't
suprising really. Many people who cheat on their spouses believe that the spouse is cheating on them. Why? Because they know how easily it comes for them and assume that all people must be like they are. Cheaters will often accuse the spouse of things they themselves are doing. It's called a mirror effect where we project our own images onto the people around us. Some relationships have this effect more than others. I think when it comes to do things that we know are hurtful or wrong we project even more to ease our own suffering of that kind of person we have become.
The universal law of resonance says, when you can trust yourself you naturally draw trustworthy people to you. If you cannot trust yourself then you will naturally draw untrustworthy people to you. It's pretty simple.
I think when you first meet someone it is natural to be somewhat cautious of them. For me trust builds with time, the longer I know someone and see their character the more trust and faith I will put in this person. If they show me that they cannot be trusted then naturally my trust diminishes. I also don't expect people to trust me right away either. I know in time they will and that it is a process.
I have also found that when trust is an issue in your life and you cannot decide whether to trust them or not (assuming they have given you no reason not to) you have to make a conscious decision to trust or not to. Make a commitment to trust, even if you get hurt or make a decision not to and move on, either way it is your choice. Once you make the decision to trust and stay with it your trust will start to grow and you will realize you really don't have to "worry" about trusting just decide to.
Tell me your thoughts on trust, are you trusting right up front or does it take you some time to trust? Have you experienced someone who was mistrusting of you and you found out later that the reason was because they weren't being honest with you?
Angry drivers are really unattractive. Men are often angry drivers, they think everyone on the road can't drive except them and they let everyone they can know it. Sadly the person in the car they are screaming at can't hear anything but the poor passenger can. Have you ever driven in a car with someone who just bitches about every car that comes within 20 feet? I have and let me tell you it is SO stressful and makes me not want to ride with the person anymore.
